Archive for January, 2006

21
Jan

Getting Old

By iamyuanwu 2 Comments
Categories: Uncategorized

I just turned 22 last October. And I’m in my third/final year in UKM.
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Many would consider me as young. I would like to consider myself as young too.
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However, it seems that I’m not that young anymore. And I’ll be part of the statistics of unemployed graduates very soon. This kind of freaks me out a bit. No wait… it freaks me out A LOT!
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I wouldn’t have felt this ‘old’ness if not for some of my friends started to lament that they are getting old. First, this swimming pal complains that ‘every other day is not as well as the day before’ (in mandarin). His stamina seems to have reduced recently (he is still a superb swimmer; 10, 20 laps non stop is nothing to him).
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The my course mate, Jin Chaw also lamented that he’s getting old. You wouldn’t believe the reason he gave me.

“When you listen to the radio and realise that all the new songs suck, and when it plays some (not-so)old songs you actually enjoy them, you know your generation has passed. That basically means you are getting old.”
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What he said actually makes sense.
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The worst of it was when this standard 2 kid in my mom’s tuition class called me ‘uncle’.
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Shite! I am getting old.
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At the age of 22.
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Shite!!
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Yours Sincerely,
the OLd Man

13
Jan

The Driver

By iamyuanwu 2 Comments
Categories: Uncategorized

I got kicked out of UKM hostel after the compulsory first year stay. I think I feel lucky now that I not in hostel. Frequent water outage and dirty toilets would have drive me insane.
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Since I moved to an ulu place called Bandar Baru Bangi Fasa 4 Tambahan(so ulu there’s no bus service), I need a form of transportation. My parents decided to allow me to drive the family car, as long as I don’t wreck it beyond recognition.
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With the car came new found freedom to roam. So I roam-lah. It also came with new friends. People became friends. And friends became more hospitable and nicer to you.
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With many more friends driving, going to faraway places for makan(e.g. Klang, KL centre, MidValley…) became our class trip, sort of. As a person with a car, I’m expected to drive-lah.
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So here’s my problem. I don’t really mind being the driver(actually, I like driving). But the point is, I borrow money from PTPTN like all the rest of the students. And I barely survive with this PTPTN money. And petrol prices have increased. And carrying an extra 4 adults in a car increases petrol consumption. And the highway toll is not cheap. And parking in Sg Wang is expensive. And I have to sacrifice my energy to drive. And the traffic jam. And…and…and…
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You ask me, “So, What’s your point?”
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My point is if I am to drive, the least you freeloaderspassengers can do is to ease my sufferingcontribution and help jaga my wallet. Offer to pay for the toll. Or pay for the petrol. Or settle the parking fee. Or pay for my drinks during the meal. Or…or…or…
I don’t care, as long as I am renumerated in one way or the other.
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Come on. This is basic courtesy. If I drive, you pay. If you drive, I pay. One offer service, the rest offer cash-lah. Tian1 gong1 di4 dao4. Fair and square. Adil dan saksama.
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Then you say, “Aiyah, small money also you kira. Little bit only mah.”
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Little bit your head! I’ll tell you what is my ‘a little bit’:
- Free parking
- No toll
- Petrol = RM0.20/Litre
- Pretty girl in front passenger seat, with her hand on my crotch (this one a bit lebih-lebih! Hehe!)
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Still think I main kira-kira? Lets kira then.
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Assume I’m driving to Klang for seafood with 4 passengers.
- Toll (through KESAS) = RM 6 x 2(to & fro) = 12
- Petrol (60km) = RM 5 x 2 = 10

That’s approximately 22 bucks! The whole course of seafood cost about the same per person, and the driver has to pay an extra 22. About double the amount! You pay 25, I pay almost 50. WTF?! This is a blasphemy to my wallet!!

Horrijiber! Terrijiber! Vegetable!
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So to all the freeloaders that has been taking free rides, please-lah show some mercy to my wallet.
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And I not stupid lor. You think you diam-diam bo3 chut4 siah1 meaning I donch know. You peoper eberytime call me drive. Wa4 kua3 wa4 lang2 eh2 frenchip jin3 jia1 ho4, boh chut siah niah3 !
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I know who you are, my ‘friends’. ; )
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Yours Sincerely,
the DRiver.

06
Jan

The SMS

By iamyuanwu 3 Comments
Categories: Uncategorized

Malaysians are a bunch of SMS junkies. We can never get enough of forwarded canned messages. Especially when a festive season is around the corner.

The worst case scenario is during the New Year celebration. So many canned mesages are being sent at the same moment that the stations got jammed. I couldn’t even call my friends in Sg Wang during the countdown. Next time, I’ll bring a set of walkie-talkies.
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Most of these mesagges are pretty funny. But most of them are just plain lame and sound too mushy. And all of them look the same to me. So to spice things up a bit in the sms-o-sphere [~atmosphere~], I prefer to write my own SMS.
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Something more different. Something more original. Something with more punch. Something that people would read and laugh and show it to friends before deleting it. Something that people would be surprised and taken by my sincerity of writing an sms myself.
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So this is the sms I wrote and sent around a few days before new year.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Your friendship account
with ME expires on
1Jan.
To renew, send me an
sms. To upgrade, buy
me lunch in KLCC. To
terminate,call & say
"Fuck Off!"

Now bear with me while I brag a bit about my sms achievements. On
Wednesday (4Jan 2006) I was driving to UKM at 7.30 in the morning. The radio
was tuned to Hitz.fm. The DJs — Rudi and JJ was asking listeners to
call in and read out these forwarded sms they received during festive
seasons. The first guy who called read out this sms I wrote. Wau! My
sms got read on Hitz.fm! I didn’t know this little sms can spread so
fast around. Haha, so bangga.
Now my ‘lan si’ factor just increased by
1000 mega-gazillion fold! Bwahaha!

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For this message, I got loads of replies. The funniest I got it from my house mate. He said, "i think i chose 2 say fuck off.. haha.. N i think i wil change da lock 2.. haha.."
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This friend of mine — Ah Huat, he send it to a few friends. One actually call and say fuck off, jokingly lah of course.

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Here are more replies,

Arthur : cn i sms2say fuck off?

BJ : I think i’ll get a new membership with other company. Thx and Fuck off. Ha ha ha just kidding. Thx for ur friendship all these years. See u and happy new year.

Grace : I was tempted to call. But the i decided i could use a guy like you around…

Jin Chaw : Piss off. Hapi new year!

Jiun Chiet : Hehe.. Ur value is quite expensive o.. Haha! Sms u 1st 2renew, lunch next time ya!

Huan Yong : How aboutif i sms u fuck off? Happy new year to u too. Where will u go on 31?

Lae Hing : Im broke. I opt renew. And happy new yr to you too andrew. May the crap never stop flowing haha

Pak Cheong : Wahaha this is really funny never seen one like it in a long time sure to get a reply back hehe happy new year to u too have fun!

Su Ying : I want to buy a lunch 4 u at KLCC. Do u wan 2 enjoy with me? by d way, i wil buy ur lunch from WC. Hope u dun mind my dear fren.

Sin Liy : Wanted to renew!     much miss n love u!      HAPPY NEW YEAR      SWEETIE!

Yoke Yen : If i sms (to renew) but asking u to ‘fuck off’? Heh. Happy New Year! :)

Teong Geok : Ok i wish2 renew it wit a treat ar klcc.. Happy new uear 2u 2

Julie : Happy NEW YEAR!i would call and say f+*k off but i am too cheap.

Henry Yap : Any other potions? By the way happy new year

Loong : bu shit, k :)

Wei Ru : Shldnt it b 31dec?hmm..is it evn owrth wastin my credit 2call n yell ‘fuck off’?teenagers nwadays,wat kinda language is dat.btw d mkn thng, anothr venue perhaps?

Weng Yau : I think i wil rather to send u a "fuck off’ than pick up a phone n said it =p joking only k ^.^ anyway, wish u happy new year in advance

Pak Yang : Tis sms is 2 renew ! Fuck off!

Thang Yoo : When apple is Red, is ready to Pluck, When girl is 16, is ready to Fuck!
Apple says Eat me, Taste me, Bite my Bum.
Girl says Suck me, Fuck me, Dont Tell Mum!

Chee Wee : how are u? V just mentioned about u wif soo ling during yam cha!how’s ur x’mas n ur new sem? Bussy rite? Hope u have enjoyable new year! Soo ling send regards!

Chooi Ling : hi, happy new year to you too. Hope the year 2006 brings renewed health, happiness, n friendship, of course. :-)
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Yours Sincerely,
the sms JUnkie.

06
Jan

The New Year Celebration

By iamyuanwu 1 Comment
Categories: Uncategorized

Despite the fact that I’m staying in KL, I’ve never been to any hip or happening place to celebrate the coming of new year.
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So this year I decided to go, against my intuition that I may regret it, when a bunch of my UKM mates invited me. We decided to countdown in Sungai Wang.
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Damn the weather that day. It was raining. And to avoid traffic jam after the countdown, I parked quite a distance away from Sg Wang — somewhere around Pudu Plaza. (Huh? Where the hell is that? It’s in Pudu lah, dumbass.) Walked in the rain and my whole shoe was wet by the time I reached Times Square. It was 8 pm. My idiotic friends didn’t bring any girls with them. Darn! This is a blasphemy!
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After a game of bowling to kill time, off we went to the entrance of Sg Wang. The concentration of people there was insane. I didn’t know there were so many lala chai and seehaam mui in KL. It was so packed that describing it as a can a sardines is an understatement.
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The most idiotic part is seeing all these people walking around with at least a can of artificial snow spray or party string spray. AT LEAST a can. One guy I saw have at least a dozen or two cans of those sprays, in his back pack. What the fuck?! It looks like they walking into a battle field! Maybe they are. Most people hold one in their hand just in case some imbecile walks past you and starts spraying, you’ve got your ’secret weapon’ to retaliate. Also, some idoitic nincompoop would continue to spray when the ‘bullets/ammunition’ ran out. So the whole place smelled of aerosol. Wah, suffocating.
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And kesian all the pretty girls who took the whole afternoon preparing and putting on all the ICI/Dulux/Nippon. Kena spayed…oops… I mean sprayed by those grain-brained ah bengs. Don’t lah do that, I love looking at pretty girls. Please lah don’t make them look like they just woke up.
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There were also a few spaces in the middle of the road that no one would venture into. Why? Because everyone, EVERYONE would spray those stupid stuff at you until you look like frosty the snowman.
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When the countdown began, everyone shouted on top of their voice. Then the fire works. Too bad I was standing below the monorail tracks. Didn’t get a good view of the fireworks. Actually, it wasn’t that exciting to countdown in Sg Wang. Felt stupid going there.
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Now, I have a plan. Next year, i intend to go countdown in KLCC. With a few really close buddies. Together with a bottle of good wine and some Heineken. And a portable table and stools. After the countdown, set up the table and stools in the park and have a good time talking and having fun ’til the sun rises. So, I’ll see lah, when next new year eve arrives.
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Yours Sincerely,
YUanWu